I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
