so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
