How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
