Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Small penises have feelings too.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
