I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
