Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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