How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
