this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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