I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
