how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
