So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
