Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
