He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
