we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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