3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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