I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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