Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize