Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
