Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
