So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
