How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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