my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
