Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
