I wanna bring you to show and tell
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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