Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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