I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
