you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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