You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
