i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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