come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
