So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
