i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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