the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
