why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
