Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
