i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
