he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
