even my farts smell like vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
