This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
