i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
