I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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