I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
