i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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