I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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