I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
