so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
