I am puke
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
