Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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