i permit you to call me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize