I bet he comes in French.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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