Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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