Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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