I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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