I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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