Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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