Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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