Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
