I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
