I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
