I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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